Time might not be relative, but you have enough of it, dude!!!
This blog entry can be found neatly typed below the following picture! Your browser should be able to translate its content into your mother tongue, too.
Diesen Blogeintrag findest du fein säuberlich abgetippt unter dem folgenden Bild! Dein Browser sollte in der Lage sein, dessen Inhalt auch in Deutsch zu übersetzen.
The kindness of traveling in solitude:
(I had e-fucking-nough of “Falalalala-pretense” and thus, decided to spend my Christmas near the ocean in a wonderful, modern tiny house!)
Welcome to an article I wrote for the welfare organisation where I founded my own self-help group last year. It still rings true - and I thought you might like to read it, too! It’s called: “That’s okay.” EnJOY, please:
Myra here.
I founded the self-help group “Kopfkino” this year, with the help of Ms. Augustyniak.
A few weeks ago, I gave a talk about depression at the Euskirchen cinema and on the way back I wondered who had just spoken.
My words - super nice! Because they were intended for the audience and not for me. So I dug out my speech again and rewrote it a bit so that this time I was addressing myself.
And of course you can do the same when you read it, because it's written in the first person:
There is an old advertising slogan from the company “Gasolin”, of which my father has kept a few stickers. It's called: “Take your time and not your life!”
For a long time I thought it was too crass and somehow tactless, but a few weeks ago I put the sticker on my car and have to admit that there is something to it... Of course, the slogan originally referred to slower driving and a lower accident rate as a result. But you can always reinterpret things. Take your time and don't kill yourself. Yes, those are harsh words, but sometimes they have to be said.
So now I'm taking as much time as I can get. As many hours or years as I need to get better. And wait - for myself. There will be moments that feel like I've never made any progress - especially when I compare myself to others. These moments lie.
Someone on the internet once said: “Healing is not linear.” True.
Let's continue with a little surprise: I'm allowed to laugh - and have black humor.
Feeling better or being happy doesn't mean that I imagined my illness. I can even get better, even if I don't (yet) want to! Keyword: secondary (disease) gain. But that's a big, different topic, which is absolutely beyond the scope of this article.
So, on with the text:
I am much more than my diagnoses.
In other words: yes, I do have one - to be honest, several - illnesses, but they don't define me. Symptoms are part of the illness; they are not part of me. I don't always have to assess them.
Among all the responsibilities and priorities, I should be my own biggest one. That's not selfish, it has to be. Because I alone am important enough. Without ever being a parent, boss, neighbor or friend.
I am allowed to take up space, even all of it.
Crazy, isn't it?
The most important thing I want to say with all of this:
You don't choose to have a mental illness.
BUT getting well again is unfortunately a decision that each of us has to make on our own. And it's really bad, it feels like it takes forever and it's one of the hardest things a person can do... Yes, I know.
Lately, I keep stumbling across a picture that says:
“Beautiful things come and go, but they come.”
And I add (for all my nihilists): Yes, so do bad things. But bad things also go away. Change of perspective. I sometimes want to write that on my forehead with a marker so that I don't forget it.
Okay, finally, even if it sounds really cheesy:
We all deserve a future - and we deserve to heal.
We are not weak when we need help; we are incredibly strong because we try. We try again and again and again until it gets a little bit easier. And it will get easier. Step by step. I, for example, often take small steps forward, some backwards now and then, or sometimes none at all to take a break. This is all completely normal and totally okay. And I'll say it again, especially because I need to hear it myself: It's okay.
And now I wish everyone a good (pre-)Christmas season!
P.S.: If you can't/won't sit at the table this year and finally have the courage to go away alone or stay at home - go ahead. I won't be there this time either, I think. Try something new.
Merry Christmas!!! ( ͡ ~ᴗ ͡ °)✌
—> Re-reading this just made me sooo goddamn happy. I actually pulled through with it and spent time on my own terms. If that isn’t the best gift of all, I don’t know what is!
(I forgot that the best gift in the whole wide world would be finding out that Alan Rickman were somehow still alive… Nothing would surpass that, man. I miss him, I miss him, I miss him.)
Myra out. Muah!
